December 6, 2005

11 years ago today I got this scar and a couple others. This one in particular is the one I see daily. It has been a constant reminder of that day. It has haunted my dreams and my thoughts on snowy days. It has always had a very negative association for me but this year is different. For the first time in 11 years I look at it and realize what I do have because of this scar. 

That day I was headed back to Logan with the intent on breaking up with Kyle because I was constantly feeling like every time I wanted to talk about the future or the next step he would say, "yeah eventually." or just kind of sweet talk his way out of talking about it.  I felt like we had been together for a year and if he didn't see a future with me it was time for both of us to move on. All the way up I continued thinking about how I was going to have to break up with him.  After my accident while I was in the hospital I would introduce Kyle to everyone and tell them that he's my boyfriend and that we were going to be getting married in May.  Apparently the shock on everyone's face was pretty funny, I however missed it since I was strapped to a table.  Any thought of breaking up with Kyle went out the window.  

Years later when we were discussing the accident it came out that I was planning on breaking up with Kyle that day and then he explained to me that he had already planned everything out and he was trying to keep it a surprise.  He knew that he wanted to marry me.   It's funny how God works and how his plans unfold for us.  

As my perspective has changed and I choose to look at it in a positive way it makes my scars ugliness look like beauty to me. As I have pondered on this scar I found this quote by Dieter F. Uchtdorf that touched my heart. "God didn't design us to be sad. He created us to have Joy!"